Sunday, July 16, 2006

Just couldnt go without it huh?.......I know how it is .....chicks get like this all the time with me.........been like that since back in 98 when I won Mr Universe.......that was an exciting time......but unfortunatly that was back when I was unnatural and on the juice.....and everyone knows when you are on the juice you dont have much use for your tesities.......so......it was a double edged sword. I was attracting all the ladies.....but due to the overuse of steroids I had no use for them and just played tecmo bowl on the ole Nintendo for entertainment..........and...before you ask.....I know what your thinking.....just how does a guy that has to train to be mr universe have time to play Nintendo. I call it multitasking. See I had tv's set up in all corners of my gym.....(yeah....I used to own a gym back in the 90's) and all of the tv's were hooked up to a single RCA feed coming directly from my Nintendo. and....also....before you ask this.....why was he playing Nintedo when they went out of style years before that and Playsation 1 and 2 had come out......Simple......my hands and fingers were so strong....the new technology was outdated and to brittle for my masive streangth........so ....I had to use the aftermarket joystick that I could get for the Nintendo and use it. But the one byproduct of playing tecmo so much was my left hand curled in and made it looke like I was making a fist all the time......I credit this with my win of Mr Universe cause it actually made me flex my deltoids and bicep at all times making me look flexed even when not flexed.....the judges took note.....and here I am today......Mr Universe 1998.........I actually got a deal to endorse Nintendo Game Cube after my win.......but to demonstrate the use of the game I had to lose quite a bit of bulk just to be able to handle the small and delicate controler........in the process I looked less and less like the Mr Universe physique that I had attained just a couple years before......this caused me to lose my deal with Nintendo cause they couldnt market a girly man as the nice Japanses man in his $5000 suite told me in the meeting we had in Joliet, Illinois in the fall of 2000. This cause untold financial difficulty and stress right after that cause I had planned out my future on the $1700 that I was planning on reaping from them that next year. I then fell into a dark place that I dont want to talk about right now.....to many demons.....to many late nights sitting in a cheap hotel room with whatever bottle of cheap cola I could get my hands on.........I almost lost my sanity. But then I came out of it with the help of Bob Barker.....thats right....Bob Barker......I was watching this show one day....called the price is right. Interesting television that show......well anyway....I saw it.....feel in love with the goods and services they were providing random people in the audiance....and knew that was the key to me making a come back. I hitch hiked all the way to Burbank , Ca and got sold some plasma to have enough cash to get in......and wouldnt you know it.....I got called down.........SAM BOLEN...........COME ON DOWN.......you know the rest of it.....well.......I corectly guessed the price of a ceramic wall clock and bam......I am looking at a nice Dewalt home tool set............a grandfather clock .....and a bark-a-lounger...........I correctly picked with coconut shell had the rubber ball under it....and damn.......I am spinning the wheel........I spun it and wound up with .75 cents.....(never saw that money) Made it to the showcase show down......and of course there is a silver haird lady that had won a freaking Chevrolet Cavalier on with me....so she got the chance to pass on the first show case......So I am bidding on 2 lazy boys and pool table and a trip to Del Bocca Vista Florida........I won........cause I am that damn good. Any way. I get down to Del Boca Vista and sell the dewalts to a 80 year old retire of the Ford Motor company from Flint Michigan who's name was Fredy.....I like to call him Steady Fredy....cause this guy can drink a fifth of Jim Beam and chase it with a can of Ensure and walk straight as a arrow all the way to his hover round and like a flash....he is gone......well......Steady Fredy said he has some friends in the teamsters that are needing some stuff moved......you know......."moved".....well......Fredy give me an address in Fort Lauderdale.....I go.....get in a 1985 Caddilac Deville....and drive that sucker to Philielphia......park and the local Denny's and meet up with a large man in a black leather coat......he gives me a paper sack that in it contains $1700...........I'm back baby...............I invest it in my phone chat service where for 45 cents a minute folks can listen to me talk about how great I was back in 98 as Mr Universe.............and here I am today...........see ....thats why you like my voice......Thank you Bob Barker............your tha man!!!!!

3 Comments:

At 12:14 PM, Blogger Loren said...

Glad to here things are going well for Sam.

 
At 3:35 PM, Blogger A. said...

Are Sam's pets spayed and nuetered,BTW?

:-)

 
At 4:13 PM, Blogger Loren said...

Hopefully Sam hasn't taking to wearing gaudy silk suits from Singapore like Rod Roddy (the former - I think - emcee) used to.

 

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